worldsdumbestfandomcom-20200213-history
World's Smartest Inventions 7 transcript
narrator: Tonight... announcer: The most amazing product you've ever seen ! narrator: 20 inventionsthat are turning up the heat.man: Real hot !Amazing products to help youspruce up your house.woman: Dolphin Mop. Just push it.John: Whatever the ( bleep )she said, I'm buying it.narrator: Class up your look.announcer: Just zip itand get lazy.man: This is an outfit forwhen you don't even thinkyou deserve sweat pants.narrator: And do whateverthe heck she's doing.Danny: This makes me missmy ***.narrator: But wait,that's not all !You also get expert insightfrom our celebrity staff.man: Wake me up when it'stime for lunch.narrator: Act now andwe'll include legendarypitchman Anthony Sullivanwith a very special offer.Anthony: Guaranteed topreserve a man's virginityor your money back.narrator: Plus, America'ssweethearts...Loni and John,use some amazing productsto spice up their love life.Loni: John, you know Ilike it on top.John: Yeah, I do.narrator: truTV presents...man: Voila, problem solved.narrator: ... the "World'sSmartest Inventions."woman: Love it on thatslippery tile floor.narrator: Don't wait !commentator: Whoa !narrator: Watch it now.woman: That's better.announcer: Nothing makesyou feel more invigoratedand refreshedthan a steaming sauna.But who has the time tospend in a spa ?Plus, the sauna experiencecan be expensive.Not anymore !Introducing therevolutionary Sauna Pants,the at-home saunaexperience that you canenjoy when you want toand where you want to, rightin the comfort of your own home.John: Isn't the wholepoint of Saunas to bearound strangers ?announcer: All you do is wrap,adjust heat level and relaxas the Sauna Pants delivera deep soothing heat, relievingyour body of excess water.commentator: What areyou doing ?woman: Nothing... just sittinghere brewing up an awesomeyeast infection.What are you doing ?commentator: Uh...announcer: The Sauna Pantswork just like a sauna,creating a moist heat, sweatingout unwanted excess water aroundyour midsection and thighs.Lief: The last time I checked,it was more than my genitaliaarea that needed detoxing.Tonya: Yeah.woman: I'm so relaxed fromthe knee up and the waist down.Perfect.announcer: And unlike spasaunas, you're in totalcontrol of the heat level,never too cold, never too hot,always just right for you.Billy: The Sauna Pantshave an adjustable heat setting.There's low, highand contraceptive.Frank: What if you sweatand it short circuitsand your nuts blow off ?It could happen.man: Real hot, real hot !announcer: Stop sitting aroundin a room full of strangers.man: I may enter a saunawith strangers, but I leavewith friends.Know what I'm saying ?woman: Hi, Todd !announcer: Enjoy yoursauna just once and itpays for itself.Mike: Even the ad knows you'reonly gonna use this once.announcer: Order now andjust wrap and relax.John: So honey, aren't youglad I brought the wholesauna experience home ?Loni: This is not what Ihad in mind.man: You guys like to swing or--just a question.Loni: Y'all need to bothbe quiet so I can sweatout my toxins.It's too tight anyway.announcer: Dog owners,walking your dog is great,bu picking up after yourfurry friend is difficultand unpleasant.Sha-Poopie to the rescue !Introducing the amazingSha-Poopie, the easy-to-useextendable poopie catcherthat makes the daily walkswith your dog a snap.man: "Sha-Poopie" is suchan improvement on this product'soriginal name,( bleep ) scoop.Mike: What consumers aresaying now with one clear voiceis I want more interactionwith my dog's crap.announcer: Place one ofthe disposable plasticliners in the cupand simply extend the arm,position, retract and snap.Chris: Wow, just foureasy steps.Three more than a plastic bag.Kevin: Or do what I do.Take a leaf blower and justblow that ( bleep ) intoyour neighbor's yard.commentator: Hey !announcer: Sha-Poopie tothe rescue !commentator: Yay !woman: Your dog will hate you !Danny: If somebody sticksa pole under me while I'mtaking a dump,I'm holding it in.announcer: Your dog willeasily adjust to the routineand you'll never have tobend over and scoop up thepoopie again.man: Look, "Silence ofthe Lambs" !I'm ( bleep ) face.Frank: So, to how is ( bleep ) ?Good, no problem, Freddie !man: Hey, pass me that *** !Thanks, man !announcer: Now throughthis exclusive TV offer,you get the amazingSha-Poopie and 30 linersfor only 19.95.Brad: That should last along weekend.Todd: Now all you have todo is keep buying liners'til your dog dies.It's just that easy.announcer: Don't wait !Call now and join theSha-Poopi revolution.announcer: Sha-Poopie tothe rescue !Billy: You know, we areextremely eagerto join the Sha-Poopierevolution in our house.For us, it's gonna be likethe Arab Spring.Right, guys ?Anthony: Anthony Sullivan here.If you poop right now,we'll double the offer.That's two Sha-Poopies andtwo squeaky balls all forone low price,so poop right now !Come on, poop.woman: Where did I park my car ?Oh, no.announcer: If you havetrouble remembering whatyou don't write down,now there's an easy way toremember everything.It's called My Lil' Reminder.Leif: It's called My Lil'Alzheimer's.announcer: The digitalvoice recorder thatrecords without tape...woman: Blue section, row 18.announcer: ... thenreminds you later.woman: Blue section, row 18.Mike: This invention wouldhave blown me away if I was atthe 1912 World's Fair.Brad: Wow, and it works onno tape ?Which is great, since noone makes tapes anymore.announcer: Micro technologymakes it smaller than a businesscard, perfect for your purse,pocket or briefcase.woman: If only I hadsomething in my pursethat could just help merecord information.announcer: So easy, evena child can use it.woman: Don't forget I'llbe at Grandma's 'til 5:00.man: It'll remind yourkids why you're notspending time with them.announcer: Perfect forshopping lists, directions,phone numbers, the office...Billy: Where did I burythose corpses again ?In the wooded area.announcer: And becauseeveryone in your familywill want one,call now and we'll sendyou a second oneabsolutely free.That's right.You get two My Lil' Reminderdigital voice recordersfor only 9.99.man: Will My Lil' Reminderalso remind you to spendyour money on better thingsthan My Lil' Reminder ?announcer: But don'tforget to call.Don't forget to call.man: So in the commercial,they're using the Lil' Reminderto remind you to callto order the Lil' Reminder.announcer: This offer isnot available in stores,so call now.Chelsea: She's gone completelymad at the end, so it's hardto tell what's real anymore,what's a pre-recorded voice,what's her actual voice.It's just a funhouse.woman: Blue section, row 18.narrator: Coming up...announcer: You needForever Lazy,the one-piece lie-around,lounge-around full-body lazywear.narrator: And thenumber-one way to keepyour number two secret.announcer: Press thebutton and the toilet soundblocker drowns out the noise.Danny: Why would youinvent this ?Everybody knows that fartsounds are funny.narrator: Plus...announcer: All over theworld, the Little DolphinEasy-Pushing Mopis used by every family.Chelsea: If this is an adfor an internationalprostitution ring,they nailed it.narrator: When "World'sSmartest Inventions" continues.announcer: On lazy dayswhen it's chilly,turning up the heat costs moneyand wrestling with blanketsis silly.If you want to stay warm,you need Forever Lazy,the one-piece lazy wearthat covers you from headto toe in soft, warm fleece.Mike: Finally, an outfitthat says (bleep) it.announcer: Forever Lazy ismade of ultra-softbreathable fleeceand it's oversized forthat baggy comfortable lazy dayperfect pajama feeling you love.Todd: Now I can ride outthis depression inultimate comfort!Loni: Uh, I do not likegrown folks looking likeCare Bears.announcer: Just zip itand get lazy.Now you're toasty warmfrom head to toe,so you can all watch thebig game together whiledad does what he does best.Brendon: That's what daddoes best?Sleeping?Who bought all thoseForever Lazys for youlittle ungrateful pricks?announcer: Whether you'reraiding the fridge duringa commercial breakor cramming for a college exam,Forever Lazy keepsyou comfy-cozy.Billy: So basically, you canwear the Forever Lazy anywhere.woman: Your honor, my clientis absolutely 100% innocent.announcer: With adrawstring hoodie to keepthe chilly weather away,Forever Lazy is the bestway to stay warm outdoors.It will be the talk ofyour next tailgate.Nick: You're gonna beforever paralyzedif you show up in aparking lot with one of these.Brad: Guys, is it me or amI standing out more than Inormally do at a football game?Daisy: All right,I'm almost sold.Is there a poop flap?announcer: Uh-oh, gotta go?No worries.Forever Lazy has zipperedhatches in front and backfor great escapes whenduty calls.Daisy: There's a poop flap!Mike: Come on.You're wearing pajamas inpublic, why not just ***yourself at that point?announcer: Go ahead, lay around,lie around and getForever Lazy.Anthony: The Forever Lazyis so effective...I dunno.It's got a zipper.I gotta be honest with you.I don't really want to dothis commercial anymore.I just want to lay on acouch and watch anotherseason of "Jersey Shore."Can someone carry me to mytrailer please?Jenny: Hi, I'm Jenny Brown and Icreated Bowser Beer for dogs.We both know that peoplehave an incredibleemotional bond with their petsand want only the best for them.Therefore, we've created ahigh quality premium treat thatyou can reward your dogs with.man: Beer for my dog.What recession?Get outta here.Jenny: Here's what some of ourcustomers are saying about it.man: Obviously, he seemsto like it.Devouring it, in fact.Mike: This is my dog'sfavorite beverage,right next to toilet water.Daisy: He loves it.Except for the beer (bleep).man: It's one of the fewthings that's actuallymade here in the United States.Daniel: Save those fancyimported beers forschnauzers and Lhasa Apsos.man: The fact that it'smade here in the statesgives you confidence to use it.Mike B.: Does everythinghave to have a patrioticstamp on it?man: What do I like aboutBowser Beer?I like a couple things.One, no alcohol.Makes his coat nice and shiny.Todd: No alcohol?My dog ain't gonna like it.Billy: I like that there'sno alcohol in it,because I like my dogs tostay rational.woman: She likes both thechicken and the beef,but she probably likes thechicken just a little bitmore than the beef.Mike T.: I don't know ifyou can be trusted as an experton what your dog likes.I don't think any doglikes to be dressed like aWild West ***.man: It's important thatthis is a low-fat product,'cause if it wasn't, we'dboth be very, very largecouch potatoes right about now.Kevin: It's important thatthis is a low-fat product,because as you can tell by myphysique under the sweatshirt,I'm all about fitness.man: With USDA-approvedingredients, and these days,that's kind of a nice treat.Mike B.: We get it, Grandpa.Stars and stripes,red white and blue.Got it.It's just dog beer, dude.kids: Joey loves Bowser!Chelsea: That's awonderful endorsement.Children saying dogsshould drink beer.I'm very confused.But delighted.John: Dogs drinking beer?What's next?Tonya: Baldwin, get meanother chicken-flavored beer.Daniel: You got it, Harding.Danny: Harding, you in?Tonya: Oh, I'm all in.Danny: You cheating, Bridges?Todd: Anyone have any twos?Danny: You know, maybeit's the Bowser talking,but I love you guys.commentator: Hey!What's happening, baby?singers: Cruising custom car.commentator: Wanna go fora ride?man: Cruising custom car.Brad: Wait, is thisthe beginning of a 1980smusic video?That just doesn't happen.singers: Lavish luxury car.man: Lavish luxury car.Billy: You know, I'm interested,I'm interested.I'm just wondering if theyhave it availablein any more hideous colors.singers: Amphibious car.man: Amphibious car.Todd: Land and water?This vehicle is bisexual.Mike T.: It combines twothings people likeinto something they laugh at.singers: Wild water car.man: Wild water car.John: This is the (bleep)most awesome car ever.Who do I gotta blow to getone of these?commentator: What's up,hotshot?I'm in a car!Woo!man: Oh my God, what areyou doing, we're gonna die!No we're not, check it out.How's the water, baby?I'm rich!Daisy: Forget the car,I want that guy.commentator: What's happening,everybody?How y'all doing?singers: Chick magnet car.commentator: Hey, come on!man: Chick magnet car.commentator: Climb in,sweetheart.Plenty of room, plenty of room.Ted: And it's resistant tothe venereal waters ofSpring Break Cove.man: The Python.Own your own startingat $200,000.Mike T.: For that money,you could buy a better carand a better boatand have money left overto pay those (bleep) youseem to like so much.man: The Python.You know you want it.Chelsea: So you end itwith girls picking wedgiesout of their butts.That does make me want topurchase this car.Michael: You know who couldhave used one of these cars?Ted Kennedy.Goodnight, everybody.announcer: Sandstorms comefrom the other side of the seahitting Japan on the sun.So now we introduce to youLittle DolphinEasy-Pushing Mop.Judy: Sandstorms come fromthe other side of the seaand here's a mop.Mike B.: Hey, if you'regonna do a commercial,match your subtitles withwhat the people are saying.announcer: Hitting Japanon the sun.Created in Taiwan,The Little DolphinEasy-Pushing Mop withpush-down handle and superpower rotation.Washing up and drying arejust so easy.Kevin: Because when youthink mop, you think dolphin.announcer: All over theworld, in Europe, America,Japan, China and Taiwan,The Little DolphinEasy-Pushing Mop is usedby every family.Judy: I wear the same exactoutfit when I clean my house.Brad: Wow, cleaning'snever been so dirty.woman: The Little Dolphin Mop.Just push it, it becomesso clean and my hand arenot dirty anymore.Ted: Thanks for reallygetting that line down, Irena.You've got a great careerahead of you.woman: Small down hand pushmop is so nice and easy.Try it and you will know it.Chelsea: If this is an adfor an internationalprostitution ring,they nailed it.man: They are--The women, they come withthe mop, so you give me $5,000.It's no problem.I give you the Russiangirl, I give you this.woman: Dolphin Mop.Just push it.It help me do thehouse working very easilyand I'm still very pretty.John: Whatever the (bleep)she said, I'm buying it.I'm buying like, five,ten of those.Brad: I don't know about you,but I feel clean and pretty.narrator: Coming up...Finally, a smart way toleave a message.announcer: Nature's Greeting Bean!It's incredible!narrator: Plus...announcer: Introducing the firstwearable wine glass holder.Billy: You can turn yourdrinking problem intodrinking possibilities.narrator: Then later...What the heck does thisinvention do?Brad: That looks dirty.narrator: When "World'sSmartest Inventions" continues.man: It's party time!announcer: The bathroom isa private placeto do private things.But certain sounds cangive you away.(fart)man: Gross!announcer: Does everyoneneed to know what you'redoing in there?With Eco-Otome ToiletSound Blocker, keep yourpersonal sounds to yourself.Mike T.: He's going to thebathroom in the bathroom.You believe this?Danny: Why would youinvent this?Everybody knows that fartsounds are funny.announcer: Simply pressthe button twiceand the Eco-Otomerecreates the sound ofrushing waterlasting for 25 seconds.John: Woohoo!Mercy flush.Brad: Sir, I don't knowwhat that sound is, butyou should see a doctor.John: Still flushing!announcer: The Eco-Otomeis so discreet,it fits on your key chainso you can take it withyou anywhere you go.man: Eco-Otome!John: Use it on a bus,use it on the subway.Mike B.: Thank God Ibrought my Sound Blocker.Stay away from that spice(bleep), you know whatit's gonna do to you.announcer: The Eco-Otomecomes in three designs,Pink Ribbon Blue,Earth Tone White,and I Love You Pink.Brad: You know, I'dprobably pick pinkbecause you need a littlelove when your pants aredown in a gas stationand you're defecating intoa hole in the ground.announcer: No one needs toknow your business but you.Eco-Otome Toilet Sound Blocker.man: Eco-Otome!announcer: The sound ofserenity.Order now.Danny: What happened tothe time-tested method ofturning on the sink?Everyone knows to dothat, right?woman: Want to look yourbest but have nowhere tograb some quick Zs?Well, now you can with theInflatable Pillow Tie.Mike T.: This looks likesomething that Carrot Topthought about for tenseconds in 1996 but was like,"nah, that's stupid."woman: At first glance,it appears to be ahigh-quality necktie,but it hides an inflatablesurprise.Brendon: Oh, why this tie?No, it's not just ahideous tie.It's a Pillow Tie.woman: Perfect for church,a long flightor sitting through thatboring business meeting.Daniel: Wake me up whenit's time for lunch.woman: Simply flip it overto access the valve on the backthe gently bite the baseand blow.Marianne: Now these areinstructions I can follow!woman: In seconds, you'llhave a puffy pillow torest your head.Judy: Here's another usefor the Pillow Tie.Right here.man: I'm gonna wear myPillow Tie to Daniel Baldwin'snext movie!Thanks, Pillow Tie!woman: Don't worry.Your friends can't stealthis because it only fitsin the custom-made pillow tie.Brad: Oh, it doesn't fit anormal tie?Darn.Because I have a $200Gucci tie that I was hopingto turn into an air mattress.woman: The perfect mix ofstylish, practical and funny.The Pillow Tie makesa great gift.Order now.Billy: The perfect mix ofstylish, practical and funny.Except for funny.And practical.And it's not very stylisheither.But it's the perfect mix.announcer: Introducing theNature's Greeting Bean!It's incredible!A new gift plant thatquickly sprouts to reveala secret personal messageengraved on the beautifulplant's central bean.Todd: Oh yes.Magic beans.The original horse (bleep)invention.announcer: Just open,water, make your wishand watch your messagegrow and grow and grow!Mike T.: If someone givesthis to you as a gift,you are well within yourrights to throw itdirectly in the garbagewhile keeping eye contactwith them.announcer: Share thewonderful spirit of anyoccasion with family,friends and loved ones.Ted: It's incredible.Somebody writing a clicheon a bean made me want tolive again.announcer: Pick one of ourwell-chosen Nature'sGreeting varieties,"I Love You,""Happy Birthday," "Best Wishes"and many, many more!Daisy: Oh my God!The bean said the messagethat I actually purchased.What a surprise.Billy: Look, honey, here'san ugly weed that saysI love you.Marianne: Hearing I was*** positive from a plantreally took the edge off.announcer: It's a living,unique and amazing giftdesigned to surprise,excite and be rememberedfor years to come.John: I got you this gift.Loni: Ooh, it looksexpensive.What the hell is this?A bean?John: It says "best wishes."Loni: I don't want nowords on my damn beans.I want chicken on my beans.You don't know me at all.John: Good thing I got the"I'm sorry" bean, too.Yo Loni, wait up.announcer: Do you struggleto juggle food and wineat parties?Well, not anymore.Introducing the VeryBoberry Eat Drink & Be Merry,the first wearable wineglass holder.Mike T.: The secret tohaving a successfulproduct is simple.Give it the longest namepossible, full sentenceif you can.announcer: The VeryBoberry Eat Drink & Be Merrygives you the freedom toshake hands, exchangebusiness cardsand handle a plate of hord'ouevres with ease.Billy: With the Very Boberry,you can turn your drinkingproblem into drinkingpossibilities.Daisy: I'm looking for away to not worry about mywine glass when I getblackout, (bleep)house balls-out drunk.Thanks, Boberry.announcer: The patenteddouble U-shaped wire slingis adjustable so it fits mostwine glasses.Todd: Looks like my wineis ready to go rock climbingon the side of substanceabuse mountain.Leif: And it's not justfor alcohol.announcer: The Boberryfits comfortably aroundyour neck,allowing you to take yourglass on and off with ease.Add a gift bag and a glassand it's the perfect giftfor anyone who likes wine,so get your Very BoberryEat Drink & Be Merry today.Frank: Listen, I've beenat parties where you wantboth hands.I have a few drinks, startgrabbing ***, you know.Oh yeah, (bleep).Yeah, I'm going for split tailright away.I do.narrator: Coming up...announcer: The Note MePillow is a bright,fun and functional way tosend a personal message.Marianne: I love findingcreative new ways to nagmy husband.narrator: And...Safe silverware for yourspecial friend.Nick: You don't want yourdog to choke on a fork?Put the food in a bowl!narrator: Plus...woman: Pocket shots.The go-anywhere flaskon the fly.Kevin: Great.Now instead of carryingaround my flask,I can carry like 30of these around.It's so much easier.narrator: When "World'sSmartest Inventions" continues.Daniel: Now you can experiencedumb like never before.Brad: With the"World's Dumbest" app.Judy: It's the best videoswhenever you want 'em.Bryan: It's free on yourphone or tablet.Chuck: Use the app whileyou watch the show.Take dumb to a whole new level.Daisy: Go to the app storeand download it now.woman: What's yourpleasure?You'll find it here.Just a sec.It's hot under these lights.That's better.Chelsea: Okay, go aheadand grease up her stomach.Put more sun damage, moresun damage, more moles...Perfect, we've got our girl.woman: Pocket Shots.We've got smooth premium ***.No, no, no.Down here.Imported Caribbean rum,spiced rum and tequila.Billy: Pocket Shot.The alcohol you needwhen you need it.Frank: This is like adrinking man's colostomy bag.woman: Tequila drives me wild.Nuh-uh!Kentucky bourbon whiskey--Chris: Stop redirecting me.I'd pay more for the ***.woman: Nuh-uh!John: Move the camera up!woman: Kentucky bourbonwhiskey and London dry gin.Pocket Shots are unique,like you.They're flexible and squeezableand come in this ruggedstandup pouch.Nick: Which pocket do youput it in, 'cause I putit in my back pocket.Next thing you know, mynuts are marinated in gin.woman: Pocket Shots, thego-anywhere flask on the fly.Kevin: Great.Now instead of carryingaround my flask, I cancarry like 30 of these around.It's so much easier!woman: Look for yourfavorite below.Michael: What happened toyour face?Seriously.There's a reason theywon't want to show the face.Ah!Back down!Go back down!woman: Tequila drives me wild.Anthony: Anthony Sullivanhere all full of Pocket Shots.Are you sick ofAnthony Sullivan not tellingyou exactly what's on his mind?He'll tell you aboutthe real *** out there.Act now and I'll puke inyour houseplant.Order now.Seriously, that's-- can weget a beach or something?announcer: Are texts,tweets and e-mails takingover your life?Do you miss the feeling ofreceiving handwritten notes?Introducing the Note Me Pillow.The Note Me Pillow is abright, fun and functional wayto send a personal message.woman: Hey honey, lookwhat I got us.Brad: Oh, look, it's ane-mail that you can sleep on.announcer: Handwritten noteswill be appreciated any time.woman: You know what?I don't have a businesscard, but I do have a Note Me,so I'll just write myinformation on hereand you give me a call, sir.announcer: Use Note Me toleave an importantreminder for loved ones.Mike T.: I said to get eggs.I put it on the pillow.Why do I even write thingson this pillow?announcer: Or just to sayyou care.Brendon: My wife just leftme a note on my pillow.announcer: Just use theNote Me pen to write messages,pictures, whatever you want.Bryan: "Bite here, Brad."announcer: And when you'reready to start over,the Note Me pillow washesclean in cold water,no soap required.Daisy: Unlike pesky texts,the Note Me takes hours towash and dry.Chelsea: Even in theedited-down commercial versionof how this pillow iscleaned, it takes too long.announcer: Note Me, asimple solution to acomplicated world.Order now.Mike T.: You know what?Between your beansand your pillows and yourMy Lil' Reminders,I'm getting a little sickof your passive-aggressivemessage delivery systems.Mike B.: Don't forget tocheck the Note Me.Val: Hi, I'm Val Arnoldand I am the inventor ofMy Best Friend's Fork.I'm guilty of feeding mydogs off of a forkand I'm sure a lot of youdo that as well.Kevin: We don't.It was just recently thatI was feeding my dog Grizz.Grizz tried to takethe fork from my handand I freaked out and myheart sunk, and I'm like,there has to be something.I searched everywhere tosee if there was a forkthat was available fordogs so that they didn'tswallow the fork.There was nothing.Nick: You don't want yourdog to choke on a fork?Put the food in a bowl!Mike T.: I really wantedmy dog to learn to ride a bike,but did you know there's zerobicycles for dogs out there?Zero!Val: And then all of asudden, an X-ray with afork in a dog's stomach.It made me sick.Marianne: Not sick enoughthat I wouldn't still feedit from the table.But so sick.Val: But it was an a-hamoment that I jumped up,and made one in the kitchen.This is designed for dogs.Safer than a regularutensil because it is rounded.Chelsea: I hope her nexta-ha moment will be,oh, I'm a human and my dogis a dog.I'll use the silverware,he can use whatever.Val: I have a pinkrhinestone for girls,a blue rhinestone for boysand a diamond.Brad: So what's thediamond for?(bleep) dogs?Val: Also, do not everfeed your dogs garlic,onions, pork, chocolateand grapes.Billy: Even off the dog fork?Daisy: And they eat other items,poop, candy wrappers,doll heads.Val: It's forking awesome.Chris: I think a betterresponse here would be"fork you."John: I know I reallymessed up before,but I think you're reallygonna love this gift.It's got a diamond in it.Loni: Ooh, John, is thiswhat I think it is?John: Yeah.It's a dog fork with a diamond.Loni: First of all, thisain't no diamond, it's aclear rock.Secondly, why do you thinkI want to eat like a dog?John: It's a forking awesome gift!***.Loni: Heard that.announcer: Yuck!Look at that ring aroundthe collar.You can wash it, but thatring around the collaris never gonna come out.Daniel: Keeping whitecollars white seems likethe epitome of a firstworld problem.announcer: Until now!Knock out ring aroundthe collar for good withKollar Guard.Look, sweat, dirt and deadskin rub on your clothesand that's what createsdreaded ring around the collar.Mike B.: Who's the dirty neck*** wearing this shirt?Judy: Who sees your (bleep)collar anyway?announcer: It's so easy.Simply peel and pressKollar Guard directly onyour shirtsand knock out ring aroundthe collar for good.Billy: The Kollar Guard,AKA adhesive tape.announcer: Finally, youcan keep your collars cleanand extend the life ofyour shirts with Kollar Guard.Todd: Dirt on a shirt ordirt on masking tape.It's all the same to me.Whee!announcer: When you'redone, just peel it off andtoss it out,leaving your collarlooking good as new,guaranteed.Todd: Curse you, Kollar Guard!No!Irving: Ring around thecollar is terrible.This prevents it.It blocks it.It keeps it from ever happening.Kevin: Because when Ithink "ring around the collar,"I think former NFL widereceiver Irving Fryar.Mike T.: You see that,NFL players?Hang on to some of that money,otherwise you gotta startdoing Kollar Guard commercials.Richard: It's a lotcheaper to buy KollarGuard than new shirts.Daisy: Thanks to Kollar Guard,Richard was able to wearhis shirt 52 timesbefore washing it.announcer: Call right now andwe'll send you 12 easy-to-useKollar Guardsfor all your collaredshirts for just 19.95.Loni: For 19.95, I'llclean that shirt myself.announcer: So pick up the phoneright now and knock out ringaround the collarwith Kollar Guard.Frank: The problem is,the collar's clean,but you got, like, ringsunder your underarmsand you got BO, so how doyou fix that?narrator: Coming up...announcer: The redneckbeer holster is the beer beltthat ensures you're neverout of ammo.Mike T.: Oh, this would begreat for me.I do some of my bestdrinking in public.narrator: Plus...announcer: IntroducingGlow Grip,the world's brightest glowin the dark super grip traction.Marianne: My husband lovesglow grip.It helps him find his wayin the dark.narrator: And...man: Have you ever had theproblem in your houseof which way is the rightand wrong way to put thetoilet paper on?Brad: Well, right off thebat, this infomerciallooks legitimate.narrator: When "World'sSmartest Inventions" continues.man: Hello, hello, hello.Have you ever had theproblem in your house ofwhich way is the right and wrongway to put the toilet paper on?Brad: Well, right off thebat, this infomerciallooks legitimate.Chelsea: I really wish hehad moved the scaleand the trash can beforehe shot this commercial.It's a littleclaustrophobic in there.man: Arguments takingplace day-in and day out,so I say, you know what?I've got to come up with asolution to this problem.In about 15 minutes, Ithought about it.I said, you know what?I got it.Voila.And I actually came upwith my product which Ientitled the Tilt-A-Roll,which is a rotatabletoilet paper dispenser.The toilet paper is comingwhat they consider to beunder or down the wall.Well, all you have to donow with the Tilt-A-Rollis take the paper and turnit and you have it comingover the top.Daisy: How did I engineer it?Two words.Loose screw.Blammo.Billy: You know, before wegot a Tilt-A-Roll,we had so many argumentsin our house.A number of members of myfamily just gave upwiping altogether.man: It's over the top.If you like it underneaththe bottom,take it, spin it,and now it's comingunderneath the bottom.So, voila, problem solved.Brendon: Voila.Voila.Voila.Frank: My theory is,who gives a (bleep)?Ted: We're leaving, Mother.I didn't like the way the toiletpaper roll was positioned,so I wiped myself on thebathroom rug.commentator: That's okay,Teddy.man: So hopefully youwon't have any morearguments in your household,at least over this issue.Brad: There is only one choice,and it's over.Unless you're some kind ofginger-haired soulless freak.(flushing)John: Honey, I think Iknow a way that we'llnever fight again.Loni: You're getting a job.John: No, it's theTilt-A-Roll.You can turn it this way,I can turn it that way.Loni: John, you know Ilike it on top.John: Yeah, I do.Loni: Did you think ofthis on your own?John: No, I had a friend.Anthony: My work here is done.announcer: Winter weathercan be harsh, especiallyon your feet.Oh no!This winter, do yourfeet a favor.Keep them warm even on thecoldest winter daywith Verseo Thermo Soles,the world's firstwire-free rechargeableheated insoles.Danny: Just when I thoughtmy feet weren't hotand sweaty enough.announcer: Thermo Solesprovide excellent cushionand radiant warmth forultimate wintertime comfort.Leif: You know, there'sthis crazy new inventioncalled socks.John: Look, it comes witha DVD!announcer: Congratulationson your purchase ofThermo Soles.Before you use Thermo Soles,charge it for eight hours,then you only need tocharge the soles for twohours for regular use.Loni: It's too much math.I don't want it.Kevin: When I'm about togo out in the snow,I'm always like, you know what?I've got ten hours to kill.Why don't I charge up my soles?announcer: To start usingthe Thermo Soles,turn both switches to the"on" position,towards the right or awayfrom the power socket.Brad: Wait, okay, hold on.I have to--In the "off"?Is that--Is that left or right?announcer: Because eachsole works separately thanthe other,one light might be onand the other off.This is perfectly normal.That's just your ThermoSole continuously adjustingto your body temperature.Billy: This has moreinstructions than a supercollider.Mike T.: Uh, yeah, hey, Ican't come to your party.Something came up.announcer: Do not immerseyour Thermo Soles in water.Make sure they're drybefore you use them again.Never bend the soles.Michael: How do you walk?announcer: So order yourThermo Soles today for just $99.Marianne: $99?Just stay inside.Billy: Whatever you do, donot combine these with theSauna Pants or you willgo back in time.announcer: Are you a redneck?Do you like your beer?commentator: Yeah!announcer: Then you bettercome to the party loaded up.The Redneck Beer Holsteris the beer belt thatensues you're never outof ammo.Mike T.: Oh, this would begreat for me.I do some of my bestdrinking in public.announcer: With six canholders, the Redneck BeerHolster is the ultimate giftfor that beer-drinking guy inyou life.Danny: It only holds six.A real redneck beerholster would hold atleast 12.announcer: You'll be thehit of the tailgate partyor fishing trip with sixcold ones strapped aroundyour waist.Judy: Come on, kids, timeto go to school.Billy: The Redneck BeerHolster is also great for dogs,to carry their Bowser Beer in.announcer: Now you don'thave to worryabout misplacing your drinkwhen you go to the bathroomor someone stealing yourbeer at a party.Jessie: 'Cause you knowthose parties.Where the beer thieves come.What?Brad: No!These are mine!These are my 24 beers!I brought 'em for me!You said BYOB!announcer: Constructedfrom durable ballistic nylon,the beer holster comes ingreen army camo.Billy: So you can take ithunting, or into battle.Tonya: This is really cool.Do they make it in alltypes of camo?I wonder.announcer: Features quicksnap buckle and adjustablesized belt strapthat will fit comfortably aroundeven the biggest beer belly.John: I'm gonna get Bradthis for Christmas.It's gonna be the closestthing he has to a six-pack.Chelsea: For the rednecklady with a little bit of class,throw a glass of wine in there.Maybe six of them.See you out there!announcer: Order now!commentator: Yeah!announcer: It's darkand then you slip, oh no!And look, this couldhappen to anyone.Well, never again.Introducing Glow Grip,the world's brightest glowin the dark super grip traction.Kevin: It's perfect forturning your house into atacky dorm room.announcer: This couldhappen to anyone.Mike T.: It could happento anyone.But mainly old people.announcer: Absolutelyeveryone has someplace intheir life where they needGlow Grip.Basement stairs, the back deck,the pool, the garage,the bathroom.Daniel: Sure, my houselooks like it's coveredwith radioactive waste,but that's a small priceto pay to be able to walkwithout fear of slipping.Thanks, Glow Grip!announcer: It's two in one.You get the glow and the grip.The secret is thesupercharged glow gritthat constantly rechargesin natural and artificial light.Marianne: My husband lovesGlow Grip.It helps him find his wayin the dark.announcer: And look at thesuper grip traction.Now, that's steeper thananyplace you're going to walk.Whoa, kersplasho!Mike B.: Did he just say"kersplasho"?announcer: Whoa, kersplasho!Jessie: All right, this guyis giving me the ker-creeps.Nick: I'm gonna get Glow Grip.I will never fall out ofthe back of a dump truck again.announcer: And it's thebrightest glow in the darkproduct in the world.So bright you can read a bookby it and it glows all night.woman: Love it on thatslippery tile floor.Mike T.: I bet you do,old lady.Gross.announcer: Call or goonline right now and we'llinclude enough Glow Gripto do the basement,the attic, the bathroom,the garage, the back stepsand the front stepsfor just 19.99.Judy: The light, it'scoming in every night,I haven't slept in weekswith the Glow Grip.It's ridiculous.narrator: Tonight,we've seen and sampled 19brilliant new products.announcer: Sha-Poopie tothe rescue!narrator: But wait,there's more!woman: Oh, no.narrator: One more, in fact.The number-one smartestinvention of them all willbe revealed right herewhen we return.announcer: Enlarge lipsnaturally.No surgery, no injections.Luscious lip pump,the natural way to restorefullness and enhance your smile.Simply place the deviceover your mouthand pull the cylinder forward.Increase lip size quicklywithout surgery.Daniel: For my money, youcan't go wrong with a productthat combines women'smouths and suction.Billy: The Luscious Lipspump, which was formally knownas the luscious *** pump.Danny: This makes me missmy ***.announcer: Your lips willlook smoother, fullerand younger while reducingfine lines and wrinkles.Frank: My lips--Lips look the same, don't they?No they don't.man: Yeah, a little--Frank: Get the (bleep)outta here, you serious?announcer: Luscious Lipscan be used anywhere.Marianne: So thanks fortaking me out again.So how long have youworked at the bank?Ten years?Oh, that's great.announcer: No creams,no chemicals and no doctors,only natural-looking results.Jessie: This music remindsme of training montagesfrom forgotten '80s movies.announcer: And the resultsare long-lasting.Daisy: Rocky's about tofight someone,pound the (bleep) out ofsome Russian lips.Let's go!announcer: Painless.Mike T.: Also, ***.announcer: Sensual.Daisy: Make out.Make out, do it.Tongue her, make out!Danny: After watching thatcommercial, I'm conflicted.I don't much care forthe product, yet I have a ***.announcer: Full, pouty, kissable lips.Affordably.Loni: Look, don't mess upwhat God gave you.He gave you thin lips,deal with it.You just better be able torock'em in the bed.Anthony: Hi, Anthony Sullivanhere for Anthony Sullivan.This experienced, handsomepitchman can make yourinvention shine.He'll take your productfrom dumb thing to cha-ching,from no way to I'll pay.With Anthony Sullivan,you'll have people liningup to buy your productbefore they're even reallysure what it is.But wait, there's more!Actually, there isn't,but Anthony Sullivan will alwaysfind a way to say there iseven where there isn't.Buy your Anthony Sullivanspokesman today.He's more affordable thanyou think.Operators are standing by.You're calling aboutAnthony Sullivan?Tell them Anthony Sullivansent you.Order now.